yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
