He kissed a someone with a penis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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