were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
