WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's official drugs can't kill me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
