You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
