just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
