is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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