I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
