remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
