At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
