Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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