I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
