using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
