he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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