We need to start having sex underwater more often.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
