I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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