I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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