Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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