I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
