You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
