Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
be right there i have to get my cape
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
