Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
