I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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