WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
