you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
