Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
