I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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