The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
