i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
