His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
