My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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