oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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