I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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