My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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