I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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