I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she told me i tasted like america
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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