I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
