i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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