one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
