Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
