he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
