I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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