You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
