trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
