Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
