Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
