Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
