ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
