the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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