sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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