It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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