Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
