Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
