btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize
