Plan B is the new Plan A
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
